Reflections on Mommyhood

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Contents

Preface
The Presence
Waiting
Time Bomb
Wolf, Wolf
Rough Passage
The Newborn
Garage Sales and Baby
Mom's Conflict
Another Battle
The Transformation
My Child
Vacation with Baby
Busy Baby
The Battle
Horsie
Exploring
At Thirteen and Fourteen Months
Books and Puzzles
Christmas 1984
Lookie, Mommy
Toddler Words
A is for Ark
Me, Daniel
Three Little Words
Mommy, It Hurts
Daniel
No
Why?
Tired Again
Comparisons
Two Little Boys
A Father's Pride
Number Two Son
Tears
Oh, God
Too Soon

Oh, God

 

Oh God, my God, it hurts so bad
The wrenching agony that fills my breast
My heart ripped in two,
Broken in love for my child.

Oh God, my God, I can't bear the pain
My heart, once so merry and full,
Now choking from depths unimagined
Spilling over with helplessness, anger, love.

Oh God, my God, this is my child!
Once nursed, nurtured, loved,
Blossoming, a radiant flower.
Once a kiss would make the ouchies better.
Oh, that it could be me instead!

Oh God, my God, the path she has traveled
Oh that it were mine
If I could only have her once again
Running, laughing, cuddling, whole again.

Oh God, my God, the torrents of tears I have shed
Leaving me spent and numb,
A yawning chasm in the depths of my pain.
Day blends into night, an endless tunnel.

Oh God, my God, that I could but take away
The hurt and the pain
What I would give for her life
That I could take her place.

Oh God, my God, to think I was dying in my sins
With eternal torment my due.
But you have loved me
With an overwhelming love.
You died for me, taking my place.

Oh, the pain you must have endured
As you atoned upon the cross
Carrying the sin of all
Billions upon billions through the millennia
Providing the only exit from the road to hell.

Oh God, my God, the suffering my child bears,
The twisting, gnawing pain of my broken heart
They cannot be measured.
Yet it is but a drop in your ocean of love.

You endured the cross, the shame,
The separation,
So that we might live forever with you,
Pain-free, suffering no more.
Whole, in body, soul, and spirit.
Blossoming as we never could on this sinful earth.

Lord, you know our pain. You love us.
Lord, help us find peace in you,
Comfort from you.

Help me to internalize
And know with certainty that
"It will be worth it all
when we see Jesus."
Copyright 1988 by Judith E. Garling

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