Lord, I Need You, Too

My World 

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"Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:16 (NIV)

Before my mother knew of me
You, Lord, were knitting me together
Inside her womb.

My world was a warm cocoon,
Floating in water, sucking my thumbs,
My newly-formed ears hearing my
Mother's heartbeat.

My world expanded when I was born,
Like a balloon inflating.
Light and darkness,
Sounds and noise,
Touch and taste,
Smell and colors,
Feelings and sensations.

Each day, week, month, and year
Brought new experiences and 
New knowledge.
Speech and language,
Crawling, walking, then running,
My world kept on expanding.

Mama, dada, family.
Yard, neighborhood, school.
City, state, country, world.

For years and years
My world grew and grew.
People, places, experiences,
I thought it would never end.
The balloon of my world would 
Keep on inflating forever.

But that is not how it is.
The balloon of my world
Has a leak.

People, places, and events
Are slowly leaving my mind.
Names, skills, and memories–
Once so easy to recall–
Are becoming mysteries, 
Shrouded in
A thickening fog.

I find myself grieving
The gradual loss of myself,
Full of frustration
At what I can no longer grasp.

And it scares me.
My world is shrinking.
I feel like screaming,
"Why me?"
"Why can't I remember?"
"This is not the life
I want!"

Lord, you ordained my days.
You knew this was to be my path.
It isn't a surprise to you.
Somehow, for your purpose
And your glory,
This is my path.

Help me to always remember that 
You will never leave or forsake me.

Help me to always remember that
Your grace is sufficient for me.

That you are my Redeemer,
That nothing can separate me
From your love, the love of God
That is in Christ Jesus.

And, I pray for the comfort of knowing
That I am in your hands
And that is enough.
 Copyright © 2019 by Judith E. Garling

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